dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
