I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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