we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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