Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
