you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
