I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
