I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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