She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
