Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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