So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
