I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
