discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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