he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
