Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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