So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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