can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize