i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got inside last night via doggy door
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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