Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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