I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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