Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
