11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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