What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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