trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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