i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
