i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
