last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
