i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
