Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
