When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
