hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
