Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
