She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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