in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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