im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Houston, we have a blender
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
