there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
