I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
