I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
