Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
