then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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