nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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