i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
