I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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