somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
