She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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