Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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