You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
