Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
