Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
