I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
