He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
