he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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