sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
