I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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