Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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