Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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