I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I smell stomach acid.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
