The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
