You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
