you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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