"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize