When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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