You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
