i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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