I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
