I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
