the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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