i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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