I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
