Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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