3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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