I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
