i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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