bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
