Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
