Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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