I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
