Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
