I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize