I am puke
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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