I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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