I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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