Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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