You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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