my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
