I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
