I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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