You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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