In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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