I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
