Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
