pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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