so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
