All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
