Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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