you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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