it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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