I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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