will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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