i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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