I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
